A new attitude

It's been a while since I have posted anything here. In the beginning it was therapeutic to vent my anger and my frustrations. But after a while, I think it just perpetuated those feelings. Writing them down solidified them. My new attitude is to just let things go. To not hold on to my anger but to feel it, express it, and then forget it. I still have my moments of complete regret, I still miss Eric terribly. I know I really screwed up and that I may never find anyone like him again. However, I do feel that I am a better person for going through this painful divorce. I have realized that no matter how much someone can irritate you and drive you crazy--- it is so important to remember the core reasons why you love that person. The why. I felt entitled instead of blessed. I know I treated him horribly and that I was a mess. I don't blame him for moving on. It really woke me up and I am moving to a new and better place.

I have started dating quite a bit. It's been a weird experience. I have a pretty good idea of what I would like, and I definitely know what I don't want. It's hard because everyone wants to be loved for what they are...to not have someone want to change you...but to honestly appreciate what you have to offer. Due to my crazy work schedule I can only date maybe 4-5 times a month. I try to limit it to nights when the kids are with their dad. But that doesn't always work out. One guy that I have been dating, Tim, is a definite boyfriend possibility. We've been out several times and have a great time together. We mostly communicate by phone. It's weird to have someone new appreciate you. We both are in no hurry to rush things or get into a serious relationship. We just date when we have time & don't put any expectations on each other. We both discovered that we have not been dating anyone else for a couple of months. Interesting. He's really sweet to me and treats me like a princess for whatever reason. I think he needs glasses for sure, but I am enjoying it! I'm not sure how I feel about him yet, but there is definitely something there. He lives an hour away, has three young boys, is also twice divorced, is gainfully employed & faithfully pays his child support, and doesn't live with his mom. So there is the good and the bad. He's a good LDS guy and a sweet dad. We went out once with Justice & Montana & had a really fun time. He went to one of Sierra's football games with me- but she didn't meet him. I haven't met his kids yet and I don't know if I will. But it's fun to be out there and exploring my options. My kids still come first and I'm definitely not ready to add more to my plate. Moving on is weird...but I'll give it a try.