The last couple of days have been extremely emotional and hard. But I feel like some important progress has been made.
Sunday I was out at mom and dads with Sierra. Eric was bringing the little ones home around 7 after their day at Lagoon. It was getting close to time to get home and we were still trying to get some things done (rhinestoning shirts, and dad was copying the recital video to DVD for me). So I asked Eric if he wouldn't mind dropping the kids off at my parents. He agreed, which shocked me. He has not seen or spoken to my parents since we separated back in February (except briefly at the recital with his new girlfriend). I think he has been afraid of them, and I don't blame him. But he needed to pick up some of his stuff there anyway.
So he showed up with the kids and I invited him in. Dad was gathering Eric's things downstairs and so he went down to get them. Next thing I know mom is shooing Justice and I out of the room and shuts the door with her, dad, and Eric in there. I thought "Oh boy, here we go." They were in there for several minutes. Not too long- but long enough for me to start getting nervous. I don't know exactly what was said, but I know they said their peace and tried to end things amicably. Then dad and Eric went out to the garage to see dad's new motorcycle. So I'm sure it wasn't too bad. They were so good to Eric and treated him like family. I know it hasn't been easy for them either.
Then yesterday we were trying to hammer out our July custody calendar. We are trying to work in vacations, holidays, etc. He sent me an email that really ruffled my feathers. He was upset that I hadn't warned him about the confrontation with mom and dad. He said to have them call him if they wanted to talk. Well- they did try to call him several months ago, and he had never called back. He said he wouldn't hide from them- well, that's exactly what he's been doing. We talked some more about Vegas- and YES the girlfriend is coming with him. I assumed so. So I asked him to plan exactly what he wanted to do with the kids etc- because I just found out that Chris is bringing his girlfriend too and she wants to meet me for the first time. Yay! It will be one big HAPPY family. So I will be sending kids back and forth from hotel to hotel. What a fun vacation huh!
Then Eric forwarded a very sad email he received from Sierra. She was very upset with him about just dropping her from his life. She addressed a lot of concerns that the two of them have had over the years. She let him know how disappointed she is in this whole mess and that Justice and Tana now have to go through what she has been doing for years- the back and forth between mommy and daddy. She was upset that now her life is twice as complicated and her emotions are doubled. She said she has always wondered how her life would have been if Chris and I had stayed together. It was so surprising, and heart wrenching. I guess I am not that good at reading her. I thought she felt relieved that he was gone- but it is hurting her a lot more than she is letting on. I was so glad that Eric forwarded this email to me because I don't think she would have ever expressed any of this to me. I sat her down and we had a great talk. I apologized for this mess- I tried to explain things to her. I told her how sorry I was for putting her in such an awkward and emotional situation. I want her to know that just because I have had rotten luck in the marriage dept. doesn't mean that she will. I have made a lot of mistakes and a lot of this is my doing- but I don't take all the blame. We talked for a while about things and she didn't say much- it was mostly me talking and her nodding her head and shedding a few tears. Eric also wrote her back a really nice note that let her know that he still loved her and considers her one of her kids- it's just a tough situation.
At the end of the day a lot of crying had been done, but a lot of emotional release and progress had been made as well. I know this whole process won't be easy- but I'm really ready for things to lighten up a bit.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
The circus life
I've been putting off writing this post because I was hoping that by suppressing my emotions, they might go away or lessen. But they have only intensified. So I hope that by writing this all down, I can put it away or at least compartmentalize it and give it less power.
I talked to Eric on Friday about a conversation I had with Montana. He was planning to take the kids to the Springville Arts Festival on Friday. Montana did not seem excited and kept asking questions about whether CoriLynn, McKade, & Jillian were going to be there. I assumed they would be, but I didn't know it was going to be bothering her. I told her I didn't know- but probably they would. She said "Why can't we just go with daddy? Why do they always have to be around? I'm tired of doing EVERYTHING with them. I just want to go with daddy and not the rest of them!" I told her to call him and ask if they were coming. So she did- and yes, they were coming. He was trying to get her excited about it- but she was brave and told him her concerns. She was definitely disappointed- he was not changing the game plan.
She cried about it for a while. So of course this just made me angry. So Eric and I talked via email and phone about the whole deal. We talked a few weeks ago about my concerns that all the time they spend with him, is also time they are spending with the girlfriend and her kids. They are dealing with a lot- the divorce, daddy and mommy in different houses, the back and forth of custody arrangements, not being with their friends everyday, wondering why daddy is dating someone new, why are we always with this "new" family. I told him that he needs to concentrate on being a dad when he is with them. They will grow up so fast and with our custody arrangements, the time he gets to spend with them is even shorter. I told him that my concerns are growing out of Montana's concerns. I refuse to put her in an uncomfortable situation. And that if she continued to protest- I would not send her to the festival. I have asked him repeatedly to not date when the kids are with him. But, of course, he does what he wants. Being the loving, caring, considerate dad he is- he did address my concerns, and let me know that he always puts the kids first. He said that everything he does is for the kids. He said that they have only been with Corilynn and her kids two times. That it isn't EVERY time, and that she is over reacting. So I have been trying to trust him and help Montana through this in a good way. Since then- the new happy family has been to the Arts Festival, the dance recital, and Lagoon. Three days just this week of daddy, his new girlfriend, and her children. I know that Justice and Montana like them all. I am just concerned about how he is throwing them into this so soon, and so seriously. Justice doesn't seem to mind- I'm sure he loves having an older brother (McKade is 11). Montana likes Corilynn and Jillian too. She just doesn't like them as much as Eric does.
When he showed up at the recital with her- my heart sank. He is already bringing her to family functions- my parents met her. I was sitting behind the Jepson's- Justice was sitting with Eric & Corilynn a few rows away. I was sitting with mom, and dad was trying to find a good spot to videotape from. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was not ready for this. My life feels like a circus. How did my life become such a gigantic mess. My kids call everyone uncle, aunt, cousin- when really they aren't related at all. Sierra has cousins and aunts that Justice and Montana don't understand why they aren't related to them too. Now we will just be compounding that with a new family coming into the scenario. Ugh.
At the recital...Niki and Greg (Chris' sister, Sierra's aunt/uncle) were watching their 3 year old do her first recital. When she was finished they were both there to greet her with open arms and flowers. It made me cry...that's all I want is a family- one purpose- one direction- one love. And I know my life will never be like that.
I am really trying to look on the bright side of this. My kids have so many people that love them and that care about them. Eric and I are doing our best to find happiness in our own lives- which in turn will be better for the kids in the long run (I hope and pray), I am grateful that the kids are taking thing so well- they really are. Sierra can't even remember her dad and I together- it seems weird to her, and me. Perhaps one day it will feel like that with Eric. But for now- it just hurts. Dad put it best..."He is just being really inconsiderate". He really is. He is thinking of no one but himself. Which is exactly why we are in this situation. There really isn't anything I can do about it. I am keeping myself busy-praying for strength and comfort, loving my kids, and just getting on with life. So far- we are doing ok. Pray for me. I need it.
I talked to Eric on Friday about a conversation I had with Montana. He was planning to take the kids to the Springville Arts Festival on Friday. Montana did not seem excited and kept asking questions about whether CoriLynn, McKade, & Jillian were going to be there. I assumed they would be, but I didn't know it was going to be bothering her. I told her I didn't know- but probably they would. She said "Why can't we just go with daddy? Why do they always have to be around? I'm tired of doing EVERYTHING with them. I just want to go with daddy and not the rest of them!" I told her to call him and ask if they were coming. So she did- and yes, they were coming. He was trying to get her excited about it- but she was brave and told him her concerns. She was definitely disappointed- he was not changing the game plan.
She cried about it for a while. So of course this just made me angry. So Eric and I talked via email and phone about the whole deal. We talked a few weeks ago about my concerns that all the time they spend with him, is also time they are spending with the girlfriend and her kids. They are dealing with a lot- the divorce, daddy and mommy in different houses, the back and forth of custody arrangements, not being with their friends everyday, wondering why daddy is dating someone new, why are we always with this "new" family. I told him that he needs to concentrate on being a dad when he is with them. They will grow up so fast and with our custody arrangements, the time he gets to spend with them is even shorter. I told him that my concerns are growing out of Montana's concerns. I refuse to put her in an uncomfortable situation. And that if she continued to protest- I would not send her to the festival. I have asked him repeatedly to not date when the kids are with him. But, of course, he does what he wants. Being the loving, caring, considerate dad he is- he did address my concerns, and let me know that he always puts the kids first. He said that everything he does is for the kids. He said that they have only been with Corilynn and her kids two times. That it isn't EVERY time, and that she is over reacting. So I have been trying to trust him and help Montana through this in a good way. Since then- the new happy family has been to the Arts Festival, the dance recital, and Lagoon. Three days just this week of daddy, his new girlfriend, and her children. I know that Justice and Montana like them all. I am just concerned about how he is throwing them into this so soon, and so seriously. Justice doesn't seem to mind- I'm sure he loves having an older brother (McKade is 11). Montana likes Corilynn and Jillian too. She just doesn't like them as much as Eric does.
When he showed up at the recital with her- my heart sank. He is already bringing her to family functions- my parents met her. I was sitting behind the Jepson's- Justice was sitting with Eric & Corilynn a few rows away. I was sitting with mom, and dad was trying to find a good spot to videotape from. I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was not ready for this. My life feels like a circus. How did my life become such a gigantic mess. My kids call everyone uncle, aunt, cousin- when really they aren't related at all. Sierra has cousins and aunts that Justice and Montana don't understand why they aren't related to them too. Now we will just be compounding that with a new family coming into the scenario. Ugh.
At the recital...Niki and Greg (Chris' sister, Sierra's aunt/uncle) were watching their 3 year old do her first recital. When she was finished they were both there to greet her with open arms and flowers. It made me cry...that's all I want is a family- one purpose- one direction- one love. And I know my life will never be like that.
I am really trying to look on the bright side of this. My kids have so many people that love them and that care about them. Eric and I are doing our best to find happiness in our own lives- which in turn will be better for the kids in the long run (I hope and pray), I am grateful that the kids are taking thing so well- they really are. Sierra can't even remember her dad and I together- it seems weird to her, and me. Perhaps one day it will feel like that with Eric. But for now- it just hurts. Dad put it best..."He is just being really inconsiderate". He really is. He is thinking of no one but himself. Which is exactly why we are in this situation. There really isn't anything I can do about it. I am keeping myself busy-praying for strength and comfort, loving my kids, and just getting on with life. So far- we are doing ok. Pray for me. I need it.
Friday, June 5, 2009
It's official
Received the notice in the mail yesterday that the divorce is now final as of June 1, 2009. The judge has reviewed and signed all the paperwork. *sigh*
So, as my sister-in-law Amy told me- "On to the best chapter of your life yet!"
So, as my sister-in-law Amy told me- "On to the best chapter of your life yet!"
Monday, June 1, 2009
The squeaky wheel!
Wow- the squeaky wheel gets the grease!! He's out!! It will be so nice to get all of this yard sale stuff organized in the garage now. Things will feel so clean and organized. It feels a bit empty in here- but- it's a breath of fresh air also. Looking around, I have room to grow now, room to decorate the way I would like to, and room to spread my wings.
I've had it!!
A few posts ago, I outlined the snail pace that Eric is moving out. He had planned on moving out yesterday- and started too. In my mind- I gave him a May 28th deadline to get his things out. I worked with him on that because he had a 10 day business trip during that time. Rather than rehash the events- here are the emails we exchanged. Needless to say- I blew my stack!!
Sent: Sunday, May 31, 2009 11:10:21 PM
Subject: garage
What happened to you? You said you had a couple more loads to get today and then would get the tools after Saturday. When I came home tonight- it looked like you had not even returned.
I tried texting & calling you a couple of times. Your phone was off or dead.
I feel like I have been extremely patient and that I have given you plenty of time to get your stuff out of the house. It has been 4 months since you left. I think that is plenty of time for you to get your belongings. I let you know that I was working against a deadline with this yard sale coming. I really need for this yard sale to be a success because I am hoping it will help pay for our Las Vegas trip. If it rains and I am not able to bring things inside- it could be a total disaster and weeks of my time and energy will have been wasted. I am thankful that you moved the china cabinet and the curio. I know that was a big pain in the ass job. I know it rained. I know you were probably exhausted from helping Corilynn move the day before. I know you have been busy with work- and out of the country. I know there was a ton of stuff that you moved- but there is still a lot more that needs to go. I told you we would help- but you refused that help. It was your choice to cram it all into this weekend. I let you know weeks ago that I needed this done by a certain day. I kept the kids today thinking that you were going to get it all done. Now I have a whole house full of stuff for this sale and no where to put it until the last minute. It has taken me weeks to get to this point. We are now walking around with a mess in every room. I was really hoping to take this week to organize things in the garage for the sale and not have to rush around at the last minute and have everything look sloppy. The garage is the only flat place to really display things.
My point is that you need to schedule a day- a full day- not just a couple of hours here and there- but a full day to finish moving your stuff out. We are happy to help you. I know it's hard work- but it has to be done- no matter how exhausted and sick of it you are. You have already moved on. I am still living in the mess you left behind. I expect you to at least take your belongings with you to start your new wonderful life. Have the courtesy to let me start mine.
Let me know when you plan on finishing.
J
-------------------------------------------
Sent: Mon, 1 Jun 2009 7:39 am
Subject: Re: garage
J,
I will be by this after noon to finish. I am sorry to have inconvienced you.
E
---------------------------------------------
Sent: Mon, 1 Jun 2009 7:45 am
Subject: Re: garage
Eric,
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it!
J
Sent: Sunday, May 31, 2009 11:10:21 PM
Subject: garage
What happened to you? You said you had a couple more loads to get today and then would get the tools after Saturday. When I came home tonight- it looked like you had not even returned.
I tried texting & calling you a couple of times. Your phone was off or dead.
I feel like I have been extremely patient and that I have given you plenty of time to get your stuff out of the house. It has been 4 months since you left. I think that is plenty of time for you to get your belongings. I let you know that I was working against a deadline with this yard sale coming. I really need for this yard sale to be a success because I am hoping it will help pay for our Las Vegas trip. If it rains and I am not able to bring things inside- it could be a total disaster and weeks of my time and energy will have been wasted. I am thankful that you moved the china cabinet and the curio. I know that was a big pain in the ass job. I know it rained. I know you were probably exhausted from helping Corilynn move the day before. I know you have been busy with work- and out of the country. I know there was a ton of stuff that you moved- but there is still a lot more that needs to go. I told you we would help- but you refused that help. It was your choice to cram it all into this weekend. I let you know weeks ago that I needed this done by a certain day. I kept the kids today thinking that you were going to get it all done. Now I have a whole house full of stuff for this sale and no where to put it until the last minute. It has taken me weeks to get to this point. We are now walking around with a mess in every room. I was really hoping to take this week to organize things in the garage for the sale and not have to rush around at the last minute and have everything look sloppy. The garage is the only flat place to really display things.
My point is that you need to schedule a day- a full day- not just a couple of hours here and there- but a full day to finish moving your stuff out. We are happy to help you. I know it's hard work- but it has to be done- no matter how exhausted and sick of it you are. You have already moved on. I am still living in the mess you left behind. I expect you to at least take your belongings with you to start your new wonderful life. Have the courtesy to let me start mine.
Let me know when you plan on finishing.
J
-------------------------------------------
Sent: Mon, 1 Jun 2009 7:39 am
Subject: Re: garage
J,
I will be by this after noon to finish. I am sorry to have inconvienced you.
E
---------------------------------------------
Sent: Mon, 1 Jun 2009 7:45 am
Subject: Re: garage
Eric,
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it!
J
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The other woman
I've had a little time to calm down. But I am still totally peeved. Eric has been gone to Thailand for 10 days. So the kids were really looking forward to spending time with him this weekend. Well- he just got in last night, so he has missed Wed, Thurs, and Fri with them all ready-because it is his week. He picked them up this morning (Saturday) and planned to spend the whole day with them and then bring them back tonight because they are having some weird activity at his house tomorrow that he doesn't think will be good for the kids to be around. That's totally fine.
Well, the kids came home just a little after 10:00 pm (I was starting to get worried)-and they invited Eric to come and see how their new rooms turned out. So he just waltzes in and heads downstairs. A little irritating- he has been asking for permission to come in since he moved out- but not today. I asked the kids what they did today and they said they helped daddy move all day. I said "what? where to?". Then he says "no- I'm still in the same place." So I probe further and find out they have spent the day moving Corilynn (the girlfriend) into a new place. So I ask more questions and find out that she has moved in with her parents. OK- now that makes me happy. My mind immediately starts going haywire- I was worried that she was moving in with him, or he was moving in with her- or they had gotten a place together. So that was a relief. At least there will be a little more "supervision" going on with these lovebirds. A little less freedom. I am smiling.
He asked about how I would like him to pay the child support (which is due on Monday-hallelujah). I told him check or transfer would be fine. So I am happy to see that he is going to follow through with that in a timely manner. I have been totally stressed about money- so that is at least one less worry.
So then, still being annoyed that he again spent the day with our kids, Corilynn and her kids again- I find out that she is waiting in the car. Aha!! I told Eric that I would like to meet her- he says "why?" I said "Because I want to know who my children are spending time with. So he goes out to ask her- but I just followed him out- knowing that she would probably be too embarrassed or worried to meet me. I could see the worry on her face. It was priceless. I just stuck my head in the car and said "Hi!" She looks like she's about 20-25. Super skinny-super pretty. She said it was nice to meet me- I didn't say anything back. Then her little girl rolled down the window in the back. They told me her name and I told her she was very cute- and she is. I said "Don't you have two kids?" and she said that her other one was with her mom and dad. I know he is a boy and a little bit older- I think they are 5 and 7. So I just said- OK- bye!! and walked off.
I hope that made her nervous as hell. I want her to know I am not happy about this situation- but I will be an adult and put everything out on the table. I am glad she makes him happy. He deserves to be happy- I never could do that for him. Well maybe in the beginning. But his happy side will wear off and she will be stuck with the moody, super strict, super quirky, jackass that I was with for all those years. He does his best when in new situations. I wish them the best. I just wish this was way down the road. However- I know it wouldn't be easy then either.
I asked the kids lots of questions. They like her, she is nice. They like her kids. She has a trampoline- lots of toys, a Wii. So they are happy. I just hope Eric won't put them on the back burner while he is sowing his wild oats with her- and he better not be doing that while they are under his watch or there will be hell to pay! Look at me being such a grown up about this whole thing...NOT! Hopefully he will start thinking with the right head and slow this down a tad. But if not- I will be supportive. If she can love my kids and accept him- then everyone wins. He is a great catch. I hope she is too.
It just ticks me off because I asked him specifically if he was interested in or seeing anyone when we were splitting up. He swore that there was no one. It was just the problems between us. They both work at the same place. I have heard her name in the past but I don't think I have ever met her. The whole thing seems fishy and they are so serious already. I know better-but I will let him lie about it. He may not have been screwing her, but he was thinking about it. All the signs of an emotional affair were there and I was reading them- he just wouldn't admit it. The fact that she is so much younger than him just confirms his midlife crisis. When do I get to have my midlife crisis?? When do I get to run off with some handsome new man and sow my wild oats? I probably wont. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can even consider getting serious with anyone. And do I really want to even go down that road again? I think I have had my heart broken enough times- and the kids really don't need any further complication in their lives!!
Breathe, breathe, breathe- ok I have totally vented. Sorry you had to read it--- but I feel a bit better just writing all this down. It's cheap therapy.
Well, the kids came home just a little after 10:00 pm (I was starting to get worried)-and they invited Eric to come and see how their new rooms turned out. So he just waltzes in and heads downstairs. A little irritating- he has been asking for permission to come in since he moved out- but not today. I asked the kids what they did today and they said they helped daddy move all day. I said "what? where to?". Then he says "no- I'm still in the same place." So I probe further and find out they have spent the day moving Corilynn (the girlfriend) into a new place. So I ask more questions and find out that she has moved in with her parents. OK- now that makes me happy. My mind immediately starts going haywire- I was worried that she was moving in with him, or he was moving in with her- or they had gotten a place together. So that was a relief. At least there will be a little more "supervision" going on with these lovebirds. A little less freedom. I am smiling.
He asked about how I would like him to pay the child support (which is due on Monday-hallelujah). I told him check or transfer would be fine. So I am happy to see that he is going to follow through with that in a timely manner. I have been totally stressed about money- so that is at least one less worry.
So then, still being annoyed that he again spent the day with our kids, Corilynn and her kids again- I find out that she is waiting in the car. Aha!! I told Eric that I would like to meet her- he says "why?" I said "Because I want to know who my children are spending time with. So he goes out to ask her- but I just followed him out- knowing that she would probably be too embarrassed or worried to meet me. I could see the worry on her face. It was priceless. I just stuck my head in the car and said "Hi!" She looks like she's about 20-25. Super skinny-super pretty. She said it was nice to meet me- I didn't say anything back. Then her little girl rolled down the window in the back. They told me her name and I told her she was very cute- and she is. I said "Don't you have two kids?" and she said that her other one was with her mom and dad. I know he is a boy and a little bit older- I think they are 5 and 7. So I just said- OK- bye!! and walked off.
I hope that made her nervous as hell. I want her to know I am not happy about this situation- but I will be an adult and put everything out on the table. I am glad she makes him happy. He deserves to be happy- I never could do that for him. Well maybe in the beginning. But his happy side will wear off and she will be stuck with the moody, super strict, super quirky, jackass that I was with for all those years. He does his best when in new situations. I wish them the best. I just wish this was way down the road. However- I know it wouldn't be easy then either.
I asked the kids lots of questions. They like her, she is nice. They like her kids. She has a trampoline- lots of toys, a Wii. So they are happy. I just hope Eric won't put them on the back burner while he is sowing his wild oats with her- and he better not be doing that while they are under his watch or there will be hell to pay! Look at me being such a grown up about this whole thing...NOT! Hopefully he will start thinking with the right head and slow this down a tad. But if not- I will be supportive. If she can love my kids and accept him- then everyone wins. He is a great catch. I hope she is too.
It just ticks me off because I asked him specifically if he was interested in or seeing anyone when we were splitting up. He swore that there was no one. It was just the problems between us. They both work at the same place. I have heard her name in the past but I don't think I have ever met her. The whole thing seems fishy and they are so serious already. I know better-but I will let him lie about it. He may not have been screwing her, but he was thinking about it. All the signs of an emotional affair were there and I was reading them- he just wouldn't admit it. The fact that she is so much younger than him just confirms his midlife crisis. When do I get to have my midlife crisis?? When do I get to run off with some handsome new man and sow my wild oats? I probably wont. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can even consider getting serious with anyone. And do I really want to even go down that road again? I think I have had my heart broken enough times- and the kids really don't need any further complication in their lives!!
Breathe, breathe, breathe- ok I have totally vented. Sorry you had to read it--- but I feel a bit better just writing all this down. It's cheap therapy.
Friday, May 29, 2009
PTED
I had such a good laugh after reading the following article on Lemondrop. I am happy to report I am not anywhere near this stage. Which makes me feel fabulous.
Worried that your anger at your cheating ex-boyfriend is out of control? You could be right. Some psychologists are pushing to categorize bitterness after a traumatic event (such as a breakup or not getting a promotion) as a psychological disorder -- Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder.
Experts say the condition is a lot like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, only instead of anxious and afraid, the sufferers are angry as heck and spend all day daydreaming about revenge.
Beyond Bummed
While it's normal to be a little depressed after a breakup -- or any sucky life event, for that matter -- 1 to 2 percent of the population takes their grief a step further, according to a presentation last week at an American Psychiatric Association conference. Embitterment occurs when people put a lot of emotional energy into something (like a relationship), and then feel completely cheated by life.
While they may not have the pronounced physical and psychological symptoms associated with PTSD and other anxiety disorders, sufferers' intense feelings of anger, injustice and powerlessness affect their ability to function day-to-day. AKA you're so consumed by IMing about your jerk of an ex that you can't actually do your job or go out and have fun with your friends.
The condition may be a factor in family annihilations -- when people "snap" and kill their families, often in response to financial or relationship stress.
We've Had It
While those cases are extreme, we know all too well how the pain of a breakup can inspire some irrational behavior. Consider the following real symptoms experienced by Lemondrop editors post-split:
+Subject spends all day researching ways to cut brake lines on old Chevy Lumina, but never acts on it.
+Subject literally does not stop crying for 48 hours.
+Subject burns all of ex's belongings on sidewalk in front of house (holding a Weber grill lid as a safety precaution), frightening away even the police officer who slowed to investigate.
+Subject reads Wikipedia's article on Louisiana Voodoo all day, every day, dreaming of a way to get a lock of that bastard's hair.
+Subject listens to "I'm Not in Love" by 10cc on repeat for 14 straight hours while drinking Popov and going through ex's Gmail reading cute chats with his new girlfriend.
+Subject sells departed ex's expensive pet lizard for $10.
+Subject buys $400 custom-made leather dress.
Tell us! What do you think? Could embitterment be a legitimate illness? What's the craziest thing you've ever done after a breakup?
Worried that your anger at your cheating ex-boyfriend is out of control? You could be right. Some psychologists are pushing to categorize bitterness after a traumatic event (such as a breakup or not getting a promotion) as a psychological disorder -- Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder.
Experts say the condition is a lot like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, only instead of anxious and afraid, the sufferers are angry as heck and spend all day daydreaming about revenge.
Beyond Bummed
While it's normal to be a little depressed after a breakup -- or any sucky life event, for that matter -- 1 to 2 percent of the population takes their grief a step further, according to a presentation last week at an American Psychiatric Association conference. Embitterment occurs when people put a lot of emotional energy into something (like a relationship), and then feel completely cheated by life.
While they may not have the pronounced physical and psychological symptoms associated with PTSD and other anxiety disorders, sufferers' intense feelings of anger, injustice and powerlessness affect their ability to function day-to-day. AKA you're so consumed by IMing about your jerk of an ex that you can't actually do your job or go out and have fun with your friends.
The condition may be a factor in family annihilations -- when people "snap" and kill their families, often in response to financial or relationship stress.
We've Had It
While those cases are extreme, we know all too well how the pain of a breakup can inspire some irrational behavior. Consider the following real symptoms experienced by Lemondrop editors post-split:
+Subject spends all day researching ways to cut brake lines on old Chevy Lumina, but never acts on it.
+Subject literally does not stop crying for 48 hours.
+Subject burns all of ex's belongings on sidewalk in front of house (holding a Weber grill lid as a safety precaution), frightening away even the police officer who slowed to investigate.
+Subject reads Wikipedia's article on Louisiana Voodoo all day, every day, dreaming of a way to get a lock of that bastard's hair.
+Subject listens to "I'm Not in Love" by 10cc on repeat for 14 straight hours while drinking Popov and going through ex's Gmail reading cute chats with his new girlfriend.
+Subject sells departed ex's expensive pet lizard for $10.
+Subject buys $400 custom-made leather dress.
Tell us! What do you think? Could embitterment be a legitimate illness? What's the craziest thing you've ever done after a breakup?
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