More Talk...Some Headway?

E called to let me know that our mediation date is set for May 5th. I said that I would hate to wait that long when we are just going to be hashing it out ourselves. Can't we just come to an agreement and not pay the $800.00 for mediation. He agreed that he would like to avoid that. So we went through everything line by line again. It boils down to child support, and custody that we still don't agree on. He said that he thinks I won't want him to support me for the next 10 years. He knows how independent I am when it comes to money. I said that in a way- Yes- I would not like to be dependent on your money. But- I AM entitled to compensation for 10 years and I won't settle for 5. I said I would rather have him pay the full child support and not get any alimony than to have a 1/4 of the child support I was expecting and alimony that reduces every year. I can see his point and he can see mine. So he said that he would call his attorney. I asked him what he was thinking, he said "I don't know what I'm thinking- I'm not thinking straight- I need to clear my head." Then he said he would call me later. So I have no idea if we made any headway. But it felt like he had a change of heart. So we will see.

I feel like such a hag. But I got totally screwed in my last divorce. He got the house, no alimony, and no 401K benefits. But I remarried right away so I didn't really suffer for long. This time I know things will be different. I am in such a different place in my life. I don't feel in a position to even think about dating or bringing another person into my kids lives. I think I have screwed things up sufficiently for a while. I just don't want to give up what I have a legal right to. The laws are there for a reason. I deserve to be protected and for E to help in anyway he can in helping me to raise these kids. I guess for me that help will come in the form of money- and he thinks it should come in the form of him believing I can do it on my own. I guess I want it both ways.

Then later that same day- I got the news that I have been laid off at KJZZ. Fantastic. So now I have two strikes against me. Lost my man. Lost my job. Hopefully the kids being sick for the last two weeks was strike three. I can't take much more drama.

I know that when things like this happen that it just opens up new opportunities. When a door is closed- another one opens- or you go through a window- or you dig a hole in the floor and hide. Just kidding. I hope this will enable me to find something with better pay- and full time benefits wouldn't hurt either. Think good thoughts for me.

Beds & Plans

Mom, Dad and I had a heart to heart about where things are going, and planning for the future. The kids will be staying with them on the nights I work so we decided more permanent arrangements should be made. They went out today and bought beds for them. I wasn't expecting them to do that- I mean, we just talked about it today! But Thank you! I will buy the mattresses,bedding, and the drawers to go under the beds. I am sooooo incrediby lucky to have parents that are so supportive of me and my kids. It feels like no matter how crazy my life gets- they are always there to offer me a safe place to land. What in the world would I ever do without them. Sheesh- I don't even want to think about it. Thanks for everything!

Phew!

The kids were feeling well enough that they decided to go out to dinner. Sierra and I went out as well. So I avoided that whole awkwardness for now.

On a weird side note- I took the kids to the doctor this morning and he was there. He was coming out from an appointment and we were coming in. He just said hi and by to the kids and left. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he just had a scheduled appointment. I thought it was weird because he knew I was bringing the kids at that time and he didn't say anything about it. Bizarre.

Family Dinner?

Tonight is E's Wednesday night date with the kids. However they have been ill for a few days. So I told him he could come over and hang out with them here at the house and Sierra and I would go out on a date. He said we don't need to leave, and that he would bring over Chinese for dinner. Wow- how awkward will this be. Hopefully it will go well. It will be good for the kids to see him. I'm crossing my fingers that it goes well.

Called my lawyer

I called my lawyer today and told him I reviewed the response from E and his lawyers. I told him I was unhappy about with about 80% of it. So he recommended we go straight to mediation. Which apparently is expensive- but it will be worth it if we can get things worked to an agreeable point. It's funny- this is kind of how our marriage was too- we would argue back and forth until we came to a solid middle ground. The only differnce this time- is I am having a hard time not being a complete B. I know I have to look out for my kids and myself, for now and for our future. I know my chances of remarrying, or purchasing a home on my own are pretty slim. So I am trying to put myself in as good of position as I can. I know he wants to buy a home for himself, and still have a good life- but it's hard for me to think about that when I have my blinders on. I know I have to fight for myself right now- because I know no one else will. That is hard to swallow. I am starting to feel bad for him. Why is that?

Hashing it out

E called this morning and is ready to go over the legal jargon with me. I wanted him to explain exactly what he was wanting- in his own words. We discussed things. He was very surprised that I wasn't willing to go along with his demands. I must say that I was surprised that he thinks my life will just keep getting better, that I will continue to make more and more money every year- and that he definately sees me finishing school and pursing teaching. That was nice to hear. But his main focus is that he will not be able to buy a house with this mortgage hanging over his head. I can see his point. But he had a fine home already. He was the one who decided to leave- so I think he will have to live with those consequences. He makes plenty of money to make this all work. I told him I am not trying to be greedy. I want to provide the best life I can for the kids. They deserve a home- the one they have grown up in. I can't provide that for them if I have this fluctuating income every year. I told him we both owe it to the kids to figure out a stable figure that I can depend on every month. He wants the money to be coming to me in alimony because it is tax deductible that way. But either way- the money he spends on ch. supp. and alimony will count against his monthly spending. So I don't see what difference it makes. As long as he agrees on an amount that we can both work with I will be fine with that. All I want is to be able to pay the bills.

I will be calling my lawyer and going over a few things. I don't know if I will need to go in and see him or if we can do it over the phone. But I do know that mediation is most likely in our future.

The papers arrived

I received Eric's response to my petition for divorce. His ammendments are completely ridiculous. He wants to only pay alimony for 5 years- not 7 like my lawyer told me on the phone. It should be 10. He still wants to persue joint physical custody- and therefore the child support would be completely different, only $400.

He is requesting that I keep the house- but immediately refinance it and put it in my name. If I don't refinance, when the house sells, he wants 50% of the profit at that time- not just what the house is worth now. Also in lieu of 50% of his 401K- he will give me 11,500 additional home proceeds. What?

He added a clause that neither of us could move more than 150 miles away. He also added that he will make decisions concerning the kids when they are in his custody and I will make them when they are in my care. Can't we make these decisions together?

I am absolutely disgusted. He knows I won't be able to make it on the money he is offering. I honestly don't know what he expects me to do. I don't make enough money to refinance- so he made the suggestion that I find a co-signer for the home loan. Hello? Who the hell would that be? My parents are retiring, and I wouldn't ask them for that kind of a favor anyway- I have two ex-husbands who have left me high and dry. Am I suppose to pursue a welfare check so that I can keep my kids in a home of our own? Or a third job- so that I will be home even less?

I am torn about my work situation now. I will not let the kids go stay with him anymore- only on his weekends and the one night a week. I cannot believe he would penalize me for WORKING!! Should I quit working and ask him for more money? Should I work days and ask him for more money to pay for his half of child care? He is trying to arrange the alimony in such a way that once I finish school he will be paying me less and less. Doesn't he realize that I will actually be making the same amount of money (or less) than I do right now? It would be a teachers salary- pull your head out dumbass!

Why is he in such a hurry to wash his hands of me. I can tell he is trying to make me move in with my parents. Then he can pay me less, and clear all financial obligation ties we have together. Well guess what pal. I am not going to agree to any of your crazy demands. I am sticking to my guns. I will have physical custody and we will share legal custody. I will work out whatever I have to to make sure these kids know that I am the primary caregiver- just like I have been since they were born. Just because you come home from work at 6:30 and put them to bed at 9:00- and sleep in the bedroom next to theirs- does that make you a better parent than me? I help them get ready in the morning, take them to school, pick them up from school, take them to their lessons, pick them up from their lessons, I am the one arranging all of their plans and the one who knows what is going on in their life. He still doesn't even know what time or day any of their lessons are, let alone anything about their school lives. Then I work all night long so that I won't be missing any important time with them- then it begins again the next day. If they stay home sick- or have a day off from school- who is here for them. ME! What will happen in the summer if I am working all day? Where will they go then? I will find employment that will keep me home with them. If it pays less- I guess that is what I have to do. I refuse to be labeled a part time parent when I am a triple shift mom!

I am flabbergasted that he is behaving this way. I must have really done something horrible for him to treat me this way. He has always bent over backward supporting me- telling me what a great mom I am- he would never let the kids disrespect me. So why is he doing a complete flip-flop on that philosophy? I feel like he is flushing my existence down the toilet. He wants to rub me out of his memory and just throw crumbs at me to keep me happy. Well, obviously, he doesn't know who he's dealing with! It's about to get ugly. Thanks for making this quick and easy E!