Called my lawyer

I called my lawyer today and told him I reviewed the response from E and his lawyers. I told him I was unhappy about with about 80% of it. So he recommended we go straight to mediation. Which apparently is expensive- but it will be worth it if we can get things worked to an agreeable point. It's funny- this is kind of how our marriage was too- we would argue back and forth until we came to a solid middle ground. The only differnce this time- is I am having a hard time not being a complete B. I know I have to look out for my kids and myself, for now and for our future. I know my chances of remarrying, or purchasing a home on my own are pretty slim. So I am trying to put myself in as good of position as I can. I know he wants to buy a home for himself, and still have a good life- but it's hard for me to think about that when I have my blinders on. I know I have to fight for myself right now- because I know no one else will. That is hard to swallow. I am starting to feel bad for him. Why is that?