He lost his job. We weren't going to receive child support and alimony for who knows how long. He had been so regular and timely paying it, that we had come to depend on it. It was our rent money.
So after only 6 months of living in our own place, we had to move.
Just when I feel like life is getting back to normal---"Wham!" Oh no you don't!
So asked mom and dad if we could move back in with them, again. I feel terrible for them. I feel terrible for us. I am extremely grateful that my parents are so good with my kids, my dog, me. Mom cleans up after us, does our laundry when it piles up, what the shows the kids want to watch.
But I know it is a burden to suddenly have 4 rambunctious others in your home, plus a yappy dog.
So here we are. Failure to launch, again.
I'm saving money, we are doing things we couldn't afford before- like food, movies, paying bills. I am grateful for this chance to get my shit together.
Montana starts her learners permit this year. Sierra will get married in the next couple of years. And I have a chance to save up for these events.
How would I do it otherwise?
Monday, August 11, 2014
Thursday, June 30, 2011
2 years later
Here I am two years after being divorced. I wish I could say that I am a new woman, I've moved on. But that just isn't true. I often wonder when I will quit crying. I still can't listen to the radio without thoughts of E entering my mind. We go to a lot of the kids events and now we can sit by each other. Often times, the WHOLE family sits together. Eric, Corilynn, her kids, our kids, my kids. And we pretend like everything is normal. Corilynn and I talk and laugh together. I'm sure if she didn't marry my ex--we would be great friends. She is funny, and so sweet to Justice and Montana. But I see the way E is with the kids. Laughing with them, encouraging them, teaching them, guiding them. Taking them on trips, buying them things. Being the man I loved. And I miss him so much it brings me to tears. Why can't I remember the bad times. The times he broke my heart, made me feel like dirt. He never invited me to travel with him for work. But his new wife goes with him frequently. I could never get him to enjoy being out socially, with family, or friends. Now it's all I hear about. I tried to buy him new clothes and he would scoff at me for spending money. Now he dresses like a yuppie, all brand name clothes, a whole new wardrobe. A whole new life. And now he plays soccer? I'm happy he's made a new start and is so blissfully in love. I hope he will always treat his new step children with love. He's walked away from two step kids in his first marriage. And Sierra in his second marriage. I breaks my heart that he just tossed her aside along with me. Makes me wonder what kind of a man he really is. And why I am still missing him.
Everyone I date seems like a complete loser in comparison. I know it's the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder deal. But I'm sick of it. He's with the kids right now at Disneyland. Something I would love to do for my kids. But I don't know if I will ever be able to take them anywhere.
Here's the deal. Chris and Eric both are fantastic dads. They give my kids absolutely EVERYTHING they need. They go out of their way to spend time with the kids, they provide a good life for them, they take them on fabulous vacations, buy them clothes, take them to events, movies, games. Sometimes I feel like the kids would be better off living with their dads. Not having to worry about money. I want that to be my place in their life.
A common phrase in our house is, "I'm sorry honey we can't afford that", or "We can't, we don't have the money right now". I am struggling to pay my bills. It's paycheck to paycheck...and sometimes worse. But we are surviving, by the grace of God we somehow make it through. I work nights, so they stay with my parents a lot when they are "with me". They complain about not sleeping at our house and in their beds. They complain about me working nights. Believe me...I have tried all I can think of to remedy this situation. I continually apply for "real" jobs. But no bites yet. I work a second job cleaning houses for extra money. I tried to sell the house- thinking we could move in with my parents or at least closer to them and the south side of the valley to save gas & driving time to their dad. But nothing I do seems to pan out. I'm not saying poor me, my life sucks. I'm just saying--I want so much to give them everything that their dads can give them. I hope they don't see me as less of a person because of the hand that I have been dealt. I know my kids love me- I love them like crazy- I hate being without them. I just want them to have the best life possible. I have faith that my life won't always be this way. I know there will come a day when I can look back and be amazed that I made it through this difficult time. I look forward to that day.
I am blessed beyond belief. I know that I have more money and possessions than 3/4's of the world. I have 3 beautiful children who are healthy, happy, and cared for. I have parents that support me in my decisions and are happy to help me raise my children. I have neighbors who care for us, I live in a beautiful neighborhood in a beautiful home we can call our own. I have a car, a job I love, and friends that make me laugh. Most days, my blessings get me through. Other days, my emotions weigh me down like an anvil on my chest. I long to find love again. I pray to put my negative feelings in a box and put them on the shelf. I can open that box from time to time and reminisce, and cry. But I can't continue to carry it around and let it crush me.
Patrick has been a good friend of mine since Junior High. We dated for about 9 months, broke up and have been "friends" for the last 7 months. We care for each other. We text daily. We go on dates occassionally. He is flawed, he's all flaws. (Just like me.) But he is a good person, with a big heart. He's good to me, and he is good to my kids. He helps whenever I need him. He trims trees, fixes my A/C, sprinklers, toilets, pulls up carpet, plants flowers. We talk endlessly about every possible subject. He listens to my emotional rants, he cares about my feelings. He would do anything I asked him to. He thinks my list of home projects is his honey-do list. And he is grateful to do them because he gets to spend time with me. He tells me how beautiful I am, inside and out. He thinks I have a spirit that shines through my eyes. He believes we are meant to be together. What a sweetheart. Justice said recently that it would be cool if he lived with us. That was a total surprise and totally out of the blue. I want to let him into my heart- but I keep shutting him out. I keep thinking I need to fix myself before I can let anyone into my life. But will that ever happen? Maybe letting someone love me, and allowing myself to love someone else is the key to my recovery. More soul searching is in order.
Everyone I date seems like a complete loser in comparison. I know it's the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder deal. But I'm sick of it. He's with the kids right now at Disneyland. Something I would love to do for my kids. But I don't know if I will ever be able to take them anywhere.
Here's the deal. Chris and Eric both are fantastic dads. They give my kids absolutely EVERYTHING they need. They go out of their way to spend time with the kids, they provide a good life for them, they take them on fabulous vacations, buy them clothes, take them to events, movies, games. Sometimes I feel like the kids would be better off living with their dads. Not having to worry about money. I want that to be my place in their life.
A common phrase in our house is, "I'm sorry honey we can't afford that", or "We can't, we don't have the money right now". I am struggling to pay my bills. It's paycheck to paycheck...and sometimes worse. But we are surviving, by the grace of God we somehow make it through. I work nights, so they stay with my parents a lot when they are "with me". They complain about not sleeping at our house and in their beds. They complain about me working nights. Believe me...I have tried all I can think of to remedy this situation. I continually apply for "real" jobs. But no bites yet. I work a second job cleaning houses for extra money. I tried to sell the house- thinking we could move in with my parents or at least closer to them and the south side of the valley to save gas & driving time to their dad. But nothing I do seems to pan out. I'm not saying poor me, my life sucks. I'm just saying--I want so much to give them everything that their dads can give them. I hope they don't see me as less of a person because of the hand that I have been dealt. I know my kids love me- I love them like crazy- I hate being without them. I just want them to have the best life possible. I have faith that my life won't always be this way. I know there will come a day when I can look back and be amazed that I made it through this difficult time. I look forward to that day.
I am blessed beyond belief. I know that I have more money and possessions than 3/4's of the world. I have 3 beautiful children who are healthy, happy, and cared for. I have parents that support me in my decisions and are happy to help me raise my children. I have neighbors who care for us, I live in a beautiful neighborhood in a beautiful home we can call our own. I have a car, a job I love, and friends that make me laugh. Most days, my blessings get me through. Other days, my emotions weigh me down like an anvil on my chest. I long to find love again. I pray to put my negative feelings in a box and put them on the shelf. I can open that box from time to time and reminisce, and cry. But I can't continue to carry it around and let it crush me.
Patrick has been a good friend of mine since Junior High. We dated for about 9 months, broke up and have been "friends" for the last 7 months. We care for each other. We text daily. We go on dates occassionally. He is flawed, he's all flaws. (Just like me.) But he is a good person, with a big heart. He's good to me, and he is good to my kids. He helps whenever I need him. He trims trees, fixes my A/C, sprinklers, toilets, pulls up carpet, plants flowers. We talk endlessly about every possible subject. He listens to my emotional rants, he cares about my feelings. He would do anything I asked him to. He thinks my list of home projects is his honey-do list. And he is grateful to do them because he gets to spend time with me. He tells me how beautiful I am, inside and out. He thinks I have a spirit that shines through my eyes. He believes we are meant to be together. What a sweetheart. Justice said recently that it would be cool if he lived with us. That was a total surprise and totally out of the blue. I want to let him into my heart- but I keep shutting him out. I keep thinking I need to fix myself before I can let anyone into my life. But will that ever happen? Maybe letting someone love me, and allowing myself to love someone else is the key to my recovery. More soul searching is in order.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
A new attitude
It's been a while since I have posted anything here. In the beginning it was therapeutic to vent my anger and my frustrations. But after a while, I think it just perpetuated those feelings. Writing them down solidified them. My new attitude is to just let things go. To not hold on to my anger but to feel it, express it, and then forget it. I still have my moments of complete regret, I still miss Eric terribly. I know I really screwed up and that I may never find anyone like him again. However, I do feel that I am a better person for going through this painful divorce. I have realized that no matter how much someone can irritate you and drive you crazy--- it is so important to remember the core reasons why you love that person. The why. I felt entitled instead of blessed. I know I treated him horribly and that I was a mess. I don't blame him for moving on. It really woke me up and I am moving to a new and better place.
I have started dating quite a bit. It's been a weird experience. I have a pretty good idea of what I would like, and I definitely know what I don't want. It's hard because everyone wants to be loved for what they are...to not have someone want to change you...but to honestly appreciate what you have to offer. Due to my crazy work schedule I can only date maybe 4-5 times a month. I try to limit it to nights when the kids are with their dad. But that doesn't always work out. One guy that I have been dating, Tim, is a definite boyfriend possibility. We've been out several times and have a great time together. We mostly communicate by phone. It's weird to have someone new appreciate you. We both are in no hurry to rush things or get into a serious relationship. We just date when we have time & don't put any expectations on each other. We both discovered that we have not been dating anyone else for a couple of months. Interesting. He's really sweet to me and treats me like a princess for whatever reason. I think he needs glasses for sure, but I am enjoying it! I'm not sure how I feel about him yet, but there is definitely something there. He lives an hour away, has three young boys, is also twice divorced, is gainfully employed & faithfully pays his child support, and doesn't live with his mom. So there is the good and the bad. He's a good LDS guy and a sweet dad. We went out once with Justice & Montana & had a really fun time. He went to one of Sierra's football games with me- but she didn't meet him. I haven't met his kids yet and I don't know if I will. But it's fun to be out there and exploring my options. My kids still come first and I'm definitely not ready to add more to my plate. Moving on is weird...but I'll give it a try.
I have started dating quite a bit. It's been a weird experience. I have a pretty good idea of what I would like, and I definitely know what I don't want. It's hard because everyone wants to be loved for what they are...to not have someone want to change you...but to honestly appreciate what you have to offer. Due to my crazy work schedule I can only date maybe 4-5 times a month. I try to limit it to nights when the kids are with their dad. But that doesn't always work out. One guy that I have been dating, Tim, is a definite boyfriend possibility. We've been out several times and have a great time together. We mostly communicate by phone. It's weird to have someone new appreciate you. We both are in no hurry to rush things or get into a serious relationship. We just date when we have time & don't put any expectations on each other. We both discovered that we have not been dating anyone else for a couple of months. Interesting. He's really sweet to me and treats me like a princess for whatever reason. I think he needs glasses for sure, but I am enjoying it! I'm not sure how I feel about him yet, but there is definitely something there. He lives an hour away, has three young boys, is also twice divorced, is gainfully employed & faithfully pays his child support, and doesn't live with his mom. So there is the good and the bad. He's a good LDS guy and a sweet dad. We went out once with Justice & Montana & had a really fun time. He went to one of Sierra's football games with me- but she didn't meet him. I haven't met his kids yet and I don't know if I will. But it's fun to be out there and exploring my options. My kids still come first and I'm definitely not ready to add more to my plate. Moving on is weird...but I'll give it a try.
Friday, August 7, 2009
It makes my stomach churn
I dropped the kids to Eric in Lehi last night for the baseball game. They said they had a great time. Justice was really excited about it. Montana was prepared for complete boredom...but I think she had fun despite trying not to.
This morning Eric came to drop the kids off, in Cori Lynn's car, with Cori Lynn in the passenger seat. Justice told me that they left Eric's car at Neways, and that Cori Lynn & Jilli slept over === ugh!!! That's all just fine and dandy...but have some respect...don't bring her to my house!!!! It makes my stomach churn.
I know I need to just get use to this. I know that she is in their daily life whether I like it or not. I don't have anything against her personally...I'm sure she's fabulous. I just don't like her on my turf. They are all but married. I hope he knows what he's doing.
Chris has always been great about keeping his girlfriends away from me. I've met them occassionally, and usually only heard about them from Sierra in passing. He spends his away time with them. I guess I've just gotten use to that. It's hard because Eric just keeps pushing her in my face. She's ALWAYS around and it all happened so quickly after we separated. I'm trying to be a big girl about this. I try to be excited for the kids when they go do fun stuff. I know they like her--- I'm just sick of being left behind for something younger, prettier, and more exciting. I'm a great catch and I just want someone to appreciate me.
This morning Eric came to drop the kids off, in Cori Lynn's car, with Cori Lynn in the passenger seat. Justice told me that they left Eric's car at Neways, and that Cori Lynn & Jilli slept over === ugh!!! That's all just fine and dandy...but have some respect...don't bring her to my house!!!! It makes my stomach churn.
I know I need to just get use to this. I know that she is in their daily life whether I like it or not. I don't have anything against her personally...I'm sure she's fabulous. I just don't like her on my turf. They are all but married. I hope he knows what he's doing.
Chris has always been great about keeping his girlfriends away from me. I've met them occassionally, and usually only heard about them from Sierra in passing. He spends his away time with them. I guess I've just gotten use to that. It's hard because Eric just keeps pushing her in my face. She's ALWAYS around and it all happened so quickly after we separated. I'm trying to be a big girl about this. I try to be excited for the kids when they go do fun stuff. I know they like her--- I'm just sick of being left behind for something younger, prettier, and more exciting. I'm a great catch and I just want someone to appreciate me.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
A bit of a set back
Had a bit of a set back last night. It was Justice's last soccer game and Eric informed me that he was going to bring the girlfriend and her daughter. Ugh!! Eric came to a game last week when I was there with the kids and it was totally awkward. We were sitting in the shade with chairs (and an extra one he could have sat in) cold water, and snacks. He decided to go stand on the other side of the field in the blazing sun. STAND. For an hour. It was totally lame. Montana kept asking why daddy wouldn't come sit with us. I just had to say "I don't know"...
Well, I had been gearing up for the inevitable all day. First I thought I would just drop the kids off and go home. But since it was the last game, Justice was going to be getting his trophy & picture, and I decided I was not going to let them drive me off. So about 20 minutes before game time a huge storm starts blowing in---and I mean BLOWING!! We weren't sure if they were going to play or not, but I knew they would be there to pass out trophies and pictures for sure. Montana started her usual freak out mode when storms blow in..."I don't want to go...can't I just stay home...can't I just stay in the car...(all the while hiding under pillows on the floor and crying). So I was going to have to drag her to the game. Then Sierra wanted to go to a friends instead of the game. So by the time we got to the game, Montana was hysterically crying. We got out of the car, and the wind was really blowing. I saw Eric & Corilynn a few parking spots away. Montana started screaming for Eric, I told her he was right over there, and she ran to him, and Corilynn asked her if she wanted to watch the game in her car...so she got in. Justice & Eric darted off for the field...and I was left standing there alone. No one said hello or goodbye. I saw the game start...but I just couldn't stay.
I started to leave the field and the tears just started coming. I know this was just an unfortunate turn of events. If the wind wasn't blowing so hard the kids would have hugged and kissed me goodbye. I know Eric would have thought to make them do that if they didn't do it on their own. But to see Montana run to Corilynn when she was scared just tore my heart out. I didn't want to sit there alone and watch my family from afar. So I just left.
I cried the whole way home and for quite a while once I got there. Eric told me a few days ago that he is looking for a place in Lehi. I know they will be moving in together as soon as possible. If they don't get married soon I will be very surprised. The kids have never been with Eric when she and her kids haven't been there. They have sleepovers all the time. The kids really get along great and the like Corilynn a lot. I try not to let it bother me...but it does. What can I do about it? Nothing.
I hate that she has replaced me when they are with him. I hate that my kids love her. I hate that they do everything fun under the sun now. Baseball Games, Museums, the Beach, Waterparks, Festivals, on and on and on. I use to beg him to go do fun stuff with us and he would rarely have time or want to go, or he would say we didn't have the money for stuff like that, when we really did. He was always too busy or didn't want to go. And when we did go...he would not enjoy himself. Now he has half the money he use to and can't stay home for even one night.
He wants me to meet him in Lehi tonight so that he can take the kids to a baseball game in Orem. I have met him there several times so that they can go do something fun with Corilynn & her kids in Utah County. This will be the last time I do this for a while. I realize that it is a two hour drive for him to come and get the kids and then drive them back...but I'm not going to spend my time & gas for him to go galavanting off with his girlfriend. They can just as easily do stuff on our turf and not put me out. That's the price you pay for a long distance relationship.
It just ticks me off because everytime I make take notice of how well I am doing, or how I am finally finding a good spot in my life emotionally...immediately he throws something else at me to knock me back down. I know I got the house, the alimony & child support that I wanted and needed. And there are days when I feel so blessed...but today all I wanted was my happy family back together and for us to enjoy a sunny day at the soccer game together. Such a simple thing...and I know I will not have that again. I will survive, and life goes on. OK...I think I am done ranting and raving.
My new favorite song is called "Who's got your money". It makes me happy everytime I hear it. It's about a couple who breaks up and she goes out and spends all of his money to feel better. The whole song doesn't apply to me...but there are a couple of lines that I sing at the top of my lungs..
"Look at me here I go, spending all of your dough!" and "He broke my heart so I took his money!" Every time I get the child support and alimony money from him it makes the pain a little less, because I know it is hurting him in the only way I can really get back at him. I love to see his bank balance, it makes me smile. Wow--reading these words makes me seem like a bitch---hmmm....this is a new side of me...I kinda like it!
Well, I had been gearing up for the inevitable all day. First I thought I would just drop the kids off and go home. But since it was the last game, Justice was going to be getting his trophy & picture, and I decided I was not going to let them drive me off. So about 20 minutes before game time a huge storm starts blowing in---and I mean BLOWING!! We weren't sure if they were going to play or not, but I knew they would be there to pass out trophies and pictures for sure. Montana started her usual freak out mode when storms blow in..."I don't want to go...can't I just stay home...can't I just stay in the car...(all the while hiding under pillows on the floor and crying). So I was going to have to drag her to the game. Then Sierra wanted to go to a friends instead of the game. So by the time we got to the game, Montana was hysterically crying. We got out of the car, and the wind was really blowing. I saw Eric & Corilynn a few parking spots away. Montana started screaming for Eric, I told her he was right over there, and she ran to him, and Corilynn asked her if she wanted to watch the game in her car...so she got in. Justice & Eric darted off for the field...and I was left standing there alone. No one said hello or goodbye. I saw the game start...but I just couldn't stay.
I started to leave the field and the tears just started coming. I know this was just an unfortunate turn of events. If the wind wasn't blowing so hard the kids would have hugged and kissed me goodbye. I know Eric would have thought to make them do that if they didn't do it on their own. But to see Montana run to Corilynn when she was scared just tore my heart out. I didn't want to sit there alone and watch my family from afar. So I just left.
I cried the whole way home and for quite a while once I got there. Eric told me a few days ago that he is looking for a place in Lehi. I know they will be moving in together as soon as possible. If they don't get married soon I will be very surprised. The kids have never been with Eric when she and her kids haven't been there. They have sleepovers all the time. The kids really get along great and the like Corilynn a lot. I try not to let it bother me...but it does. What can I do about it? Nothing.
I hate that she has replaced me when they are with him. I hate that my kids love her. I hate that they do everything fun under the sun now. Baseball Games, Museums, the Beach, Waterparks, Festivals, on and on and on. I use to beg him to go do fun stuff with us and he would rarely have time or want to go, or he would say we didn't have the money for stuff like that, when we really did. He was always too busy or didn't want to go. And when we did go...he would not enjoy himself. Now he has half the money he use to and can't stay home for even one night.
He wants me to meet him in Lehi tonight so that he can take the kids to a baseball game in Orem. I have met him there several times so that they can go do something fun with Corilynn & her kids in Utah County. This will be the last time I do this for a while. I realize that it is a two hour drive for him to come and get the kids and then drive them back...but I'm not going to spend my time & gas for him to go galavanting off with his girlfriend. They can just as easily do stuff on our turf and not put me out. That's the price you pay for a long distance relationship.
It just ticks me off because everytime I make take notice of how well I am doing, or how I am finally finding a good spot in my life emotionally...immediately he throws something else at me to knock me back down. I know I got the house, the alimony & child support that I wanted and needed. And there are days when I feel so blessed...but today all I wanted was my happy family back together and for us to enjoy a sunny day at the soccer game together. Such a simple thing...and I know I will not have that again. I will survive, and life goes on. OK...I think I am done ranting and raving.
My new favorite song is called "Who's got your money". It makes me happy everytime I hear it. It's about a couple who breaks up and she goes out and spends all of his money to feel better. The whole song doesn't apply to me...but there are a couple of lines that I sing at the top of my lungs..
"Look at me here I go, spending all of your dough!" and "He broke my heart so I took his money!" Every time I get the child support and alimony money from him it makes the pain a little less, because I know it is hurting him in the only way I can really get back at him. I love to see his bank balance, it makes me smile. Wow--reading these words makes me seem like a bitch---hmmm....this is a new side of me...I kinda like it!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Checking in
I haven't posted for a while, so thought I would just check in.
I have been dating quite a bit lately. Great guys. Just not a lot of chemistry. One guy in particular thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don't know what's wrong with him!! :-) But he texts & calls me quite often. When we went out he kept taking pictures of me with his cell phone. He is a nut and makes me laugh. The kids asked if he was my new boyfriend...no. I told them that I'm just not sure about this guy, I'm not that into him. But they want me to give him a chance. I just think it's funny that we discuss it, and they seem ok with it, and they really want me to find someone that will make me happy.
What a weird position to be in...discussing dates with your kids???
I'm feeling a lot better about the way things have panned out. It's been so good for me to rely on myself. For me to count on ME! I'm developing a lot of confidence. I'm also realizing that I still have a lot of flaws that need to be addressed. It's nice to have this time to work on myself and really try to improve what makes me tick. I know I'm ok the way I am...but I want to be better. I'm enjoying being single and focusing on my kids and myself. We are a great team and I am so grateful to be a mom.
I have been dating quite a bit lately. Great guys. Just not a lot of chemistry. One guy in particular thinks I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don't know what's wrong with him!! :-) But he texts & calls me quite often. When we went out he kept taking pictures of me with his cell phone. He is a nut and makes me laugh. The kids asked if he was my new boyfriend...no. I told them that I'm just not sure about this guy, I'm not that into him. But they want me to give him a chance. I just think it's funny that we discuss it, and they seem ok with it, and they really want me to find someone that will make me happy.
What a weird position to be in...discussing dates with your kids???
I'm feeling a lot better about the way things have panned out. It's been so good for me to rely on myself. For me to count on ME! I'm developing a lot of confidence. I'm also realizing that I still have a lot of flaws that need to be addressed. It's nice to have this time to work on myself and really try to improve what makes me tick. I know I'm ok the way I am...but I want to be better. I'm enjoying being single and focusing on my kids and myself. We are a great team and I am so grateful to be a mom.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Getting out there
Being a single mom while trying to date is really weird. I've had quite a few dates in the last couple of weeks. I only go out if the kids are away, and this month I have had lots of kid free days. I don't want them getting involved in that mess unless things get more serious...which I don't anticipate for some time. The kids are really supportive...they want me to date and find someone special. It's sweet--but strange. It is so weird to be home alone...so it's nice to get out of the house. The dating world is so different now. I'm on a couple of LDS dating sites...it's fun to chat, and make friends- how else do you meet people? Everyone is so busy and in their own world. Everyone I have met is divorced, has kids, and is working around custody/divorce issues. Or they've never been married. All I can think about is how in the world can you be 40 and never married?? So far, the guys I like aren't interested in me...and the ones that are into me, I am not interested in them. The dates I've gone on have been fun...but no chemistry...and therefore no second date. I've been invited to a few singles activities and adventures that sound amazing...but I haven't worked up the courage to go yet. When the time is right I will. So it's been interesting, and I have a lot to learn still. But I am having fun...I guess that's the point right? Ugh...being single stinks!
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