Money

Eric and I split our finanaces yesterday. Up until now everything has still been combined. I was obsessing over where he was spending his money. I guess I am still trying to figure out what is going on with him.

So I told him I wanted to get that part of our marriage behind us. He will continue to pay for the house until the support payments kick in.

I also asked him when he is planning on moving out- all of his stuff is STILL here. He said PROBABLY next week and weekend. Which means PROBABLY NOT. I am furious about this. He says "work is crazy- I've just been so busy". Everytime he says that I just want to gouge his eyes out. Get your ass over here and take care of your shit. I am tired of this whole mess. Everywhere I look it's his crap taking up all the space in this house. We have plans to get on with our lives and it just feels like everything is on pause until HE decides what or even WHEN he is doing it. I just want to scream.

The mediation feels like it will never get here. I need to go and take the divorced parenting course so that once mediation is done there won't be anything left to do and I can put this whole mess behind me.

I feel like I am at rock bottom in life- I know there is nowhere to go from here except up. I guess I just need a good cry and I will be fine. I wish I could put the pieces of my life back together and everything would be ok- but it's just not that easy. It's more like an explosion and I can't even find the parts to begin putting things back in order.

I'm still looking for a job. No call backs, no interviews- only a handful of companies have even responded to tell me I didn't get the job. So I am getting very anxious that I will find something before my unemployment runs out.

I talked with my cousin Holly yesterday and she said that losing my job and my marriage at the same time is really a blessing. Life is opening up for me and I can go any direction I want to. God is wiping the slate clean so that I can seriously start over. I hope she is right. I know the right job will come along. I just need to be patient and smart. I just want to take care of my family in the best way I can.

Please pray for me to stay positive and patient. I need all the help I can get.