Sleeping Alone

I realized last night that I have not been sleeping in my bed. I keep falling asleep on the couch while watching tv. I don't do this on purpose- but I did figure out why it's hard to get in bed. Every time I lay in my bed I sleep on the same side. Even though I bought new bed sheets and comforter- it still smells like him. I can still feel him cuddling in close to me like he would, until we would fall asleep. I miss that a lot. I miss the phone calls that would come all day long- what are you doing? what's happening tonight? how are the kids? I'm just leaving work....Now it's just quiet awkward silence. When he calls, he only wants to talk to the kids- I keep thinking he will apologize and this nightmare will end. But then I wake up- and realize I've fallen asleep on the couch alone again. I wish he would come and pack up his stuff. I think that would make my healing begin. I keep wanting to do it. I'm sick of looking at it. But I want him to do the work. What is he waiting for? I know he just doesn't want to deal with it. I don't either. But eventually- it must be done.
Grama Dodie and I had lunch yesterday. She told me that her and Grampa had their share of troubles and almost split several times. But then they would come to their senses and realize they had a family to raise- and there was no other way to do it than together. She also told me that she has no respect for any man who would leave his family. I have to say that I agree with her. It is very disappointing. We both think there is a woman involved in this mess somewhere. But I haven't heard or found anything like that out yet. It's the only thing that would make any sense out of this mess. At any rate...the kids are coming home around noon today. I'm excited to see them. Two days is an eternity to spend by yourself when you are use to kids hollering "MOM" every 5 seconds. Can't wait to kiss their little faces!!