Talked to E this morning. I asked him if he called his lawyer. He said "about what?" I reminded him of our last conversation- he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. So we are back to square one I guess. I can't trust anything he says. He says one thing- does nothing.
I received the papers for mediation in the mail yesterday. It's not until May 5th. We have to submit in writing, exactly what we want- and be willing to negotiate. It is $275 an hour- they said to plan on 4 hours. E and I will split the cost- but that still is extremely expensive. I need to ask my lawyer if he will be there. I don't want to go into this with out some backup. I have stuck by my guns so far- and so has he.
We are still arguing about custody. Since I lost my job, there is no reason for the kids to stay with him during the week. But now he is insisting on it because it was in the original paperwork we agreed on. I am furious about how stubborn he is being. He accused me of using the kids as pawns in our game. I told him this is not a game. This is our life- and their lives. I am very serious about being there mother and I always have been. He is only taking a bigger role in their lives since we separated. My job day and night for the last 14 years has been being a mother. I know he misses them and I am glad he wants to see them more than every other weekend- but he could have been with them everyday if he would have stayed with the family. He chose to leave. He needs to learn that divorced life will be very different.
I am really feeling the weight of this today. I am feeling hopeless and worthless. I know I am a good mom and was a good wife- why is he treating me like a gold digger. Someone only interested in money. That is so not me. I am interested in taking care of my family's needs- that includes me.
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